Episode 4: White Rabbit

Episode 4, "White Rabbit" opens with a Malcom in the Middle episode. A small child is getting beat up by some older boys and another small child, named Jack, also getting beat up. It sounds dull, I know... and it kind of is. The action picks up, though, when Charlie Pace wakes Jack up from a daydream to let him know that someone is drowning in the ocean and that he, Charlie Pace, can't swim. It's very lucky for him that they crashed on one of the tiny bits of land that exists in the Pacific Ocean. But enough about Charlie Pace. Well, you can never really say enough about Charlie Pace, but for the moment, let's concentrate on Jack and the mystery drowning person.

Jack dives into the water and eventually pulls up that one bratty kid. The boy. The boy who claimed to be a lifeguard in the pilot episode. He's a pretty shitty lifeguard, though, because there's a woman out even farther who is drowning. Jack is faced with a difficult choice, save the kid or save the girl. Since he already has a girlfriend on the island, and the girl is much farther out, he brings in the kid.

The woman who drowned was named Joanna and she wasn't a real character on the show. Episode 4 is actually a cautionary tale, which is coincidentally my new favorite phrase. The lesson learned here is that it is perilous to be a plot device on a show like this. Always have a story line.

Jack sees that crazy guy in a suit wandering around in the ocean again and we find out that he hasn't really been sleeping. Meanwhile, Walt is brushing his teeth with a small plant.
"Where'd you learn that?" Michael asks him.
"From Sun." (That's the Korean lady on the Island.)
"Sure you did, buddy. And maybe tonight the moon will teach you how to shut up and behave. Don't swallow that sea water."
"Why?"
"Because sea water makes you thirsty."
"Why?"
"Oh I don't know! Ask the Sun, if it's so goddamn smart!"

Some other interesting conversations going on...
-The bratty girl and that asshole have a riling conversation about the budding Island economy.
-The pregnant girl and Kate talk about hair brushes and astrology. It's a regular slumber party. Kate is a Gemini, by the way.

You can start caring again when Charlie Pace, Jack, and the fat guy all discover that there's not much water left on the Island. Luckily, there's water all around in that ocean. Unfortunately it makes you more thirsty for an unexplained reason. Jack gets all worked up about making decisions because he doesn't want to be king doctor (kdoctor, if you will) of the island anymore, and frankly, he's getting fussy and needs a nap.

Flashback!

Jack's a kid and some guy in a shirt and tie, who I'm going to guess is his... dentist? Maybe? Anyways, the guy tells Jack that he shouldn't have tried to help that kid who was getting beat up at the beginning of the episode, also something about how saltwater makes you thirsty that I didn't pay attention to. Once again, a cautionary tale. The lesson learned here is that trying is the first step to failing. Therefore, you shouldn't try to do anything. I had the same talk with my dentist when I was a kid.

Flash forward.

That bratty kid chews Jack out for saving his life instead of that woman. He claims that he was fine, which seems odd since Jack pulled him up from under the water, half passed out and sputtering water around. Then the kid tells Jack that "you're not the only one who knows what to do around here" and "I run a business!", which, once again, seems like an odd thing to say. I don't see how selling setting up A/V equipment for your friend's local band has anything to do with surviving on a desert island, but I guess we should cut him some slack. They're all under a lot of pressure. In the middle of the tantrum Jack just totally zones out. While pondering why salt water only makes him more thirsty, he sees that suit guy again and runs after him. The kid doesn't really appreciate this, but no one really cares what he thinks. He can't even lifeguard right for christsake.

Jack catches up to suit guy and he turns around and Jack goes, "Dad?" and then the guy looks at him funny and walks into the forest. Since he's just Jack's dentist, he's probably real sick of Jack calling him dad and chasing him around all the time.

Flashback!

Jack's mom is apparently telling him that his dentist ran off and she wants Jack to go find him. Jack is a full grown man now, and he understandably doesn't want to. He probably has different insurance and a new dentist by now, but his mom's real pushy, you know the type, and she makes him go to Australia anyways.

Flash Forward.

The pregnant lady faints and they carry her "inside" which is actually just "under a tarp". She comes to and they try to give her some water, but OH NOES! The water is totally teh stolenz, except for the ocean, but I've already argued that case. They decide that they should find some water. Actually, they decide that Locke should find some water. That guy has a new lease on life. All it takes is some magic socks.

Meanwhile, Jack's running through the jungle like a crazy person, looking for his dentist, when Flashback! He's talking to a hotel employee. He finds out that his dentist was really drunk and they had to kick him out. Flash Forward. Things are moving real fast now. Read this part as though I'm saying it in a hurried panic. He's back in the jungle, chasing his dentist around and watch out Jack! He falls off a cliff. Seriously. This is some Wile E Coyote shit going on here. He grabs onto some plants before falling to his death, hangs there for a few seconds, and then starts reassuring himself. "Okay, Jack, think back to what you learned in scouts. You're a main character, it's the fourth episode, you're gonna be fine." Once again, a cautionary tale. As one would expect, Jack is fine. Locke comes along and pulls him up, which is nice, but he really should be looking for some water. The water is key, Locke.

Back at camp, there's still no water. Well, there's a little, and Charlie Pace gives it to the pregnant girl. They become fast friends. Good for Charlie Pace. He charms her by making fun of Locke and his "400 knives" which is not really sporting of him, but I'll let him have it. He needs a friend. A friend that isn't a bald, creepy guy with a knife collection who seems to have a penchant for killing things.

The Koreans have some water, which is suspicious. There's some yelling and a lot of talking loudly and slowly, which transcends the language barrier for the first time in human history. They Koreans point to the asshole guy and Kate wants to go talk to him. Sayid tells her to wait though because if she goes over there now he will give her nothing, but it she waits...

Sayid isn't really the poster child of patience, though, as 5 seconds later he punches the guy in the face and yells "Where is the water!?" I like it. Kind of a Jack Bauer approach to problem solving. But not really effective.

Jack and Locke talk about leadership and how Jack doesn't want to be the island king... doctor... kdoctor... and how he's going crazy and keeps seeing his dentist. Locke starts talking about Alice in Wonderland, which is the episode's namesake. Locke continues to talk about magic and how there's magic on the island and maybe Jack's magic dentist isn't a hallucination, but perhaps a magic hallucination. Magic anyone? Easy to say when you're the one with the magic socks, but I'm willing to bear with him for a while. Weren't you looking for water, man? People are dying. Oh. There he goes. Locke goes to find water and tells Jack to keep chasing after his imaginary magic dentist so that he can be a leader. I'm not making this up. Okay, the part about his dentist I'm making up. I think that's actually supposed to be his father, but I think dentist is funnier.

Flashback!

Jack's father/dentist (more commonly know as a fdentist) is dead. He has to go ID the body and the coroner brings him into a room with a body bag.
Coroner: As coroner I must aver I thoroughly examined her, and she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead.
Jack: Umm... (looks at body) Yeah that's him.
Coroner: My deepest condolences.

Flash forward.

Back to chasing people through jungles for Jack. By some miracle he comes across a waterfall that feeds into a fresh water spring or something and there's all these creepy porcelain china dolls around, and even creepier, there's a coffin, which we find out is Jack's dad/dentist's coffin. Jack throws it open and, holy balls, there's nobody (or no body) in it! Looks like someone else was wearing magic socks! Jack smashes the shit out out that coffin with a log.

Charlie Pace find the bratty kid trying to give the pregnant girl some water. Turns out he stole it all in some backwards attempt to be a leader. He who has the water has the power, as they say. Well, he's about to get pummeled to death by the other castaways but Jack shows up at the last second and gives a rousing speech about organization and survival and tells everyone how he found some water and basically talks about how awesome he is. This seems to sit well with everyone, especially about how if they don't work together they're all going to die alone.

Everyone drinks some water, even the dog, and they all feel pretty good. The asshole rubs it in the kids face how everyone hates him, Jack and Kate exchange some vague words, and then the episode ends.

Lost.

(Bad Robot)