Saturday, March 22, 2008

Episode 5: House of the Rising Sun

This episode is based on our good friends, the Korean couple. It starts with Sun trying to help a flower grow. She did not understand photosynthesis when it was explained to her in grade school. Meanwhile, her husband is catching and beating fish to death quite unceremoniously. This causes Sun to remember a time before they were married. She was the daughter of a rich Korean man and he was a... waiter or somthing. It's hard to read the subtitles and type at the same time. Anyways, they want to get married, and he gives her a flower and all that. It's quite endearing. But not in any way more interesting than an island with monsters and polar bears. Disappointment number 1.

Flash forward, the Korean guy just starts beating the hell out of Michael for no reason. He tries to drown him and Walt is freaking out. Luckily for Michael, Sayid and the jerkface tackle Korean guy and handcuff him to what's left of the plane. What's black and white and lost all over? I don't know but that Korean guy is going to have one hell of a sunburn before this day is done.

In other Charlie Pace related news, Jack, Kate, Charlie Pace, and Locke all venture out to that cave that Jack found to get some water. Charlie Pace is annoyed by Jack and Kate's flirting. Charlie Pace really needs a friend. A friend that isn't Locke. They decide to rummage through the tail end of the plane that is located near the waterfall to see if they can find anything useful. Jack tells them to look for drugs and medical supplies, which reminds Charlie Pace that he has a drug addiction. He steals away to get a fix when Locke freaks the hell out of him by saying in a low, scary voice, "Don't move." It's not what you think, though. It's a beehive, Charlie Pace.

Back at camp, they're trying to figure out why Korean guy tried to kill Michael. That whole language barrier thing is proving to be, well, a barrier. Michael says that where he's from, Korean people don't like black people. However, he has mistaken "where he's from" with a youtube video he saw where an animated Kim Jhong-Il punches Jimmy Walker in the face.


Sun's father has given them permission to get married. Huzzah! Huzzah forever! He even got a job with Sun's father. She... is not as happy about this as you would think, but hey, she got a sweet ring out of the deal. Still don't care. Disappointment number 2.

Flash present.

Jack is going to try to cover the bee hive with a suitcase or something, but Charlie Pace steps on the hive and, oh god, there's bees everywhere! Jack and Kate run into the cave and start getting naked. "Kate! We'd better take... our pants off too! Bee's hate pants. Pants make them angry!" And then woooaahahhah! There's like a freaky ass mummy or something in the cave. This is some weird stuff going on right here. The bees... are gone. Randomly. They don't like mummies, I assume.

Locke and Charlie Pace meet up with them in the cave, and Charlie Pace is upset that Jack and Kate left them behind. He hands Kate her shirt.
Kate: It was, uh, full of bees.
Charlie Pace: It was full of C's, actually.
I didn't even make that up. That is an actual line from the show. Oh, that Charlie Pace. He is a card.

Korean guy is getting pretty sunburnt, and I'm not talking about his wife.


Sun comes home to find a puppy trapped in a large gift box. Husband got it for her so that she'd have some company while he was working. She starts reminiscing about when all he could give her was a flower. I can sympathize. Dogs are so much work. Not as much work as the goddamn subtitles. Disappointment number 3.

Flash forward.

Locke wants to stay behind and help Charlie Pace look through the plane wreckage. Get to know him better. All that. Jack is pre-occupied with the logistics of carrying water back and forth. He starts putting together some early plans to set up camp over in West Caverberg.

Walt is as curious as I am about why Koreans don't like black people. Michael admits that he just made it up. He and Walt then have an awkward conversation about how much they know about each other. Michael at least knows Walt's birthday. He keeps a scrapbook full of his child support check receipts.


Korean husband comes home covered in ketchup or blood or something. Here is the first thing that I made a joke about that actually came true. He's in the mafia, or whatever you call a korean mafia. A... korafia? Looks like Sun's father is some kind of mob boss. However, I predicted this. Disappointment number 4.

Flash forward.

Kate is pooped. All this walking... she thinks Jack is checking her out, but really he's thinking about dikes. What? I mean for the water! In West Caverberg. Charlie Pace and Locke are rummaging through things, and Charlie Pace is still hankering for some heroin. Locke knows that Charlie Pace was in the popular rock group, Driveshaft. They become fast friends. Also, Charlie Pace misses his guitar.

It seems like Jack is the only one excited about West Caverberg. Sayid wants to stay on the beach. Kate is... skeptical, at best. We still don't really know why Korean husband tried to kill Michael, and Sayid apologizes for accusing Michael of starting it. He also convinces him to stay on the beach with him. Fat guy's going to West Caverberg! There's a glowing endorsement. He leaves and mysteriously the tide goes out.

Michael goes into the jungle to chop up some firewood (which Koreans totally hate, where he's from), and this is where my second joke prediction comes true. But not before a quick flashback.

Flashback. (See?)

Sun is planning on running away from home. She's packed three PBJ's, an extra shirt and her teddy bear. She'll stay up past 10pm if she wants to. Also, her interior decorator got her some new ID cards and arranged a fake kidnapping. It's all set up. The interior decorator is even going to take care of the dog. Flawless plan.

Flash forward.

Back to my joke prediction. Turns out she knows English. Whaaaa?! I called it. Disappointment number 5. Her husband doesn't know. She explains that her husband tried to murder him because Michael is wearing a watch he found that belonged to Sun's father. Crazy! Where I'm from Koreans hate watches.

Locke finally just spills the beans about Charlie's drug problem and offers to help him out. It's gonna run out eventually anyways. He tells him that "the island" might give him his guitar back if he "gives something back to the Island."
"Does the island like to party?" Charlie Pace asks as he hands the drugs over to Locke. Locke then tells him to look up and wowzers! His guitar is stuck in a tree and undamaged! Huzzah!

Back on the beach, Kate decides that she doesn't want to move to West Caverberg with Jack. She seems pretty keen on getting off the island for someone who's supposed to be in prison. Tough call, I guess.

Michael goes crazy on that Korean guy and threatens him with a hatchet and yells at him in English. He gives him the watch back and then it looks like he's going to kill him with the axe, but instead he chops the handcuff chain in half. They're not exactly best buds, but at least that problems is resolved.


Sun is at the airport, all ready to get "kidnapped" but at the last second decides she loves her husband and gets on the plane with him, and we're left to assume that it is the plane that crashes which is why we're all watching this show. Disappointment number 6.

Flash forward.

Charlie Pace is happily tuning up his guitar in West Caverberg when the new citizens all arrive. Fat guy, Koreans, Jack... the whole gang. We have another touching montage with fat guy listening to his headphones. Everyone's all introspective, even back on the beach. Walt is asking about Michael's birthday, Locke is just burning stuff for the fun of it, and Jack and Kate miss each other. Aww. Barf.



Yogurt the Wisenheimer said...

I almost had a "Scanners" momment with all the flashbacks in this one. I'm gonna go stick my head in a microwave now, "Hot Pockets"!!

Charlie Pace. Unfortunately, not really. said...

You know that guy supposedly from "Heroes"? He played the pilot. Yeah, he creeped me out, too.
Anywayyyyz, I'm sure glad he died from that freak monster. (Probably a reincarnation of that polar bear).
The "Heroes" dude would've screwed up the whole montage.

Which is why I choose to waste my time here instead of risking vomiting by actually watching the show.

OH! That's why this comment is idiotic. I forgot my pills today.